LINES composed a few miles above the ruins of San Galgano’s Abbey

1.

For the first time I set foot on this ground,

For the first time I look upon this land;

It looks like nothing I have seen before

And yet it feels awkwardly familiar:

The trees are not so much different from those

At home, the sun is just as beautiful.

The air is sweet and clear, the wind is soft;

My heart should be at peace and yet it’s not.

The crops are barren, the earth has been turned

Upside down, like my world since I met him.

Look upon those trees and see the limits

Of life, when cold takes over and shatters

All hope and all dignity; I came here

To behold the beauties of Nature true

But the sight so resplendent has been burned

By the icy chills of a late autumn.

I came here to find myself but it seems

Wherever I got lost was not near.

Life is not as easy that to forget

You can just take your car and go away.

Or was it that I wanted to lose myself?

Find the sublime to soften misery.

It’s only made me sink deeper so far.

True enough, I’ve had my moments of bliss:

Nearly falling over a wooden bridge

Overlapping the iced waters of Truth;

But I passed the test and I went forward

With a leap of the heart – I am alive!

Did I think I was dead? I am alone

And sad, I am broken and my soul’s drunk

From the wine of solitude and despair.

Here, some man drove his sword into a stone

To crush his earthly intents and desires

And join the godly realm he believed in;

The stone swallowed the sword, a sign of love

And acceptance of this pure sacrifice.

My journey led me to the face of Love.

She had crushed me, ripped open my heart, doomed

The seed she had offered me so freely,

This one hope of pure innocence and bliss,

This one dream I had nurtured all my life –

Gone and lost with the flip of a coin.

And yet there she was, smiling at me so,

With understanding in her velvet eyes

And promises of life and happiness,

Of peace and innocence, of purity.

Her knowing gaze sent shivers down my spine,

And I would have hated her had she not

Been so radiant, bearing in her bosom

The pure light of her true self – Nature’s Love.

What was I to understand? That she would,

No matter how far I went and how fast

I’d run from her grasp and intents, always

Be there for me, playing with my feelings,

Yet letting me feel the beauty, the bliss,

The untainted good in all living things;

Showing me how sublime life was to be

If I followed her path down sunbathed hills,

Through the woods of wisdom and happiness,

Down to the sea of eternal rebirth.

Nature’s pregnant with my love – I am not.

2.

Gods are playful and cruel, as is this Love

Tenderly smiling at me, summoning

My faith and adoration to her cause.

I used to believe. I wanted to still.

But she’d let me down, and now she wanted

My forgiveness and that I should forget

The pain and misery, the ache she had

Inflicted upon me so willfully?

I wanted to hate her, but such nature

Cannot be fought that easily; and so,

Obediently, lest more would be destroyed

If I did not open my soul to her,

I took the road she had intimated.

Through the forest I went, in search of truth.

Oaks and birches were bare but standing tall,

Ever green sycamores guarded the place;

The path here was covered in leaves, forking

Here and there – but which way was I to take?

And then I saw, through the naked branches

A holy place, roofless and windowless

For it had burned many decades ago.

I crossed the river of Truth – there it was! –

To attain this sanctified place; and there

I found the Light and Peace I had longed for.

Down sunbathed hills I went, between alleys

Of pines – how tall they grew aside the road!

Their roots so deep they left potholes and bumps

In the lane I was riding on. But oh!

Did I enjoy the feeling of freedom

From all gravity and restraint. Birdlike,

I flew down the road, wind chiming sweetly

In my ears as I raced through the landscape,

Liberated from rage and emptiness.

Down to the sea I went, ready for Love.

In her stead I found Forgiveness and Hope.

On a throne-like rock, long washed by the sea,

At which foot the waves came crashing gently

In a murmur of deafening beauty,

I sat, peaceful and smiling at the world,

For deep within the murky recesses

Of my tormented soul I knew truly

That the Goddess was smiling upon me.

November 2011

Poetry William Wordworth's style